A simple weekend party I won't forget

And now I have even more questions!

This past weekend, I attended a friend’s party with my husband and son. This may feel like a mundane fact. But for us, it was nothing short of extraordinary.

I’ve had a struggle with belonging for as a long as I can remember.

If you’ve been reading every week, you know that I embarrassingly confessed about how I would as a child, walk with my family down the street and walk just far enough that I hoped no one thought I was with them but close enough to not lose my way.

We were different and I desperately wanted to fit in.

As a first generation South Asian American, I never felt quite at home anywhere. I wanted to BELONG to somewhere.

And if you’ve been reading every week, you also know that I write about how belonging is a key part of your humanity that is directly related to Joy.

Every act of oppression, trauma and loss will strip you of part or all of your capacity to feel like you belong here, right now, in your body. In that moment or longer, you feel betrayed.

If you’re managing any kind of grief right now, whether it’s over a loss or a chronic kind of grief around health, relationships, or professional life as only a few examples, you have the experience of what it feels like to be isolated in your suffering. It often feels like no one understands or “gets” what you’re going through.

That is true, no one can understand fully what another is experiencing. But it’s often amplified by feeling alone on your path. As if part of you is invisible in some way.

For me, being a caregiver to a child with a chronic medical condition, I can feel isolated in these ways. Navigating the world with his disability can sometimes make what sounds like a simple activity to others feel like an exhausting endeavor. I rarely complain to anyone about that but then it can go unsaid why I might not attend a gathering or participate in an event.

And last weekend, I had the rare experience of feeling like two friends went out of their way to make me feel like I, and my family, belonged. What they did and how they did it felt like a masterclass on inclusion and belonging.

And it was, once again, a reminder of how belonging is a direct path to Joy.

I have known these friends for decades but they are not even our closest community. I feel very deeply connected to them but we do not see them often and can go months or longer without communication.

They were having a gathering to celebrate many beautiful developments in their lives and they generously included us.

But the “how” of they included us was really the part that stands out.

Outside of the email invite, I asked them about accessibility and they reached out and did a few things that made it so that we felt like we were seen and belonged at the gathering.

🫱🏽 They outlined the accessibility (Or lack thereof in this situation) and their plan to overcome that. —-And it was quite a plan, let me just say they went out of their way!

🫱🏽 They inquired about dietary allergies and went out of their way to make sure there was a safe option for my son.

🫱🏽 They explained how the other young boys at the gathering were “excited” to play video games with my son and when we got there, they made sure to set him up to be able to play with them even though he had never met any of them.

In essence, they made us feel like we belonged at this gathering even though typical parts of gatherings like access, food or social interactions are not easy for us as a family.

Now, I am not saying that I expect everyone to do all of this every time. They had many guests and the effort they put forth was way beyond what you can expect for someone hosting a large gathering.

What I am saying is that they were very generous to see us as a family and their inclusion created more desire for us to connect with others there that evening. Their kindness highlighted for me once again, the critical connection of

Belonging ——->Joy

I want to write them a long letter of gratitude for this weekend but also for the reminder of what it feels in my soul to feel included. And their kindness makes me want to be more aware of fostering belonging for others.

The weekend also reminded me to look for small slices of belonging every day if I am feeling more isolated as a family. And it made me want to know more about how people feel they do or do not belong.

Are you like me and struggled with belonging? Or is this the first time you’re seeing it as part of your Joy framework? What brings you a sense of belonging? What are your joys or challenges with belonging in your own life? I would love for our community to have a discussion about this and learn together how we can create more belonging for ourselves and others!