What if I could do more or better...but I don't?

And I love myself anyway.

I am rarely speechless but I was on a call with my therapist (She’s really more like my life guide/mentor), explaining that I am in a bit of a funk.

Yes, even the Joy Doctor gets in funks (I would actually say that it’s because I have a Joy practice—which spoiler alert, means I am open to ALL of my life—that I get in funks. It’s a good thing, I swear. A funk is information.)

I am trying to slow down and in the process, have created more space for rest with less work. What happens is that then my brain starts feeding me messages that I am not doing enough. It’s a classic byproduct of a capitalist-productivity-message of how I must prove my worthiness with outcome.

I am managing some big life issues in my family and the world is constantly on fire so I am trying to commit to making space and allowing time for more rest and self-care.

Seems like a good plan, right? (and one that I am privileged to make!)

So Debbie (If you’ve read my book, you know Debbie and that everyone needs one of her in their lives!) asks me what I could ask myself in return to this voice asking me to do more.

To which I said, probably what I thought was the expected answer:

“I am doing my best. I am only human…” (And for the record, that felt like a win. I was being compassionate with myself.)

And then what she challenged me with is what left me speechless. I knew something big was coming because I heard, “Okay….” That’s when I always know to take note of what comes next.

“What if you aren’t doing as much as you could,” she challenged me.

“What if you could do more or better and you’re not?”

Wait a second, I thought I was supposed to use my self-compassion and accept where I am. This felt a bit off.

But she went on.

“What if you could do more and you choose not to? What then?”

It was a reframe that stopped me in my tracks.

Silence.
And I thought she had misspoke.

She went on: “And what if that is also okay?”

It seems so simple but is so profound. Yes, I could be doing more. Yes, I could need less space for rest. But so what?

What if you know you can do more, that it’s humanly possible to do more and yet, you don’t do it?

Maybe resting is not only allowing yourself to accept yourself as enough. Maybe it’s also accepting that you get to say I am doing less than enough and that’s ok too.

Maybe that’s even when it really counts as rest. Not that you are so depleted or exhausted by life that you must take a break.

But that you take a break just because you’re human and you choose to take one.

Period.

I don’t know if this is landing for you as big as it did for me but let me know and I would love to have a discussion with all of you. Leave a comment and let’s all talk about rest. Do you take enough? Do you feel bad when you do? What if today, you knew you could do more but you didn’t do it? I can’t wait to hear from you.

I am really sitting with this idea that I could be doing more. It is humanly possible to do it. And yet it is okay to not.