When you have to defend your heart ache...
Then I know oppression is winning.
Right now, most of my conversations with others centers around our heart ache…this is good. It means we are human.
Israel and Palestine continue to be in deep conflict and horrific violence is in our view around the world all day, every day. The division of political sides in the United States, but the entire world as well, seem ever increasing. It feels like we are in a constant battle no matter which side of any current issue you are on.
Right now, many of my conversations with others also revolves around feeling like it is difficult to hold ache for so many things at once. And then inevitably the questions begin…
Who is right and who do you favor? (Is it Israel/Palestine, which military faction in Sudan, Ukraine vs Russia, Right wing America vs Progressives?)
Who is suffering more? (Which side has suffered the most? Who deserves more empathy?)
Whose suffering gets more attention? (Who has what kind of media coverage? Who is invisible?)
Which hate crime is worse? (And which community is most at risk around the world as a result?)
Does anyone realize the other atrocities in the world that are ongoing without any attention?
Of course, I am not asking you these right now. But they all lie in the undercurrent.
And as an activist, I do not question our need to question injustice, in fact, it is my hope I will never stop.
But at times like this, I wonder if we are questioning each other’s heart ache, where have we gotten to and how will we get out?
The simple truth holds…
“Systems of oppression thrive the more we do not.”
And we do not thrive when we are afraid to ache.
Or feel we need to justify it.
All suffering strips us of our full humanity, our capacity to feel.
And here we are, witnessing oppressive behavior in the world on so many levels by so many and how do we feel what we need to feel?
I don’t know that I have the answers but I will not stop asking the questions.
In this country, a six year old Muslim boy was killed in his home in Chicago, in his home. Stabbed and killed. This is NOT okay. This is not a heart ache anyone needs to justify. And that’s just one example.
No, I don’t have the answers. But I do know a few things.
💔 If your heart aches for the world, no matter which “side” or which atrocity, you ache because you are human and you feel sad that we as humans can be this way with one another.
💔 If it feels too hard to hold the ache, you are right. It is overwhelming. Don’t think of how you will hold it but rather how you will hold yourself through it. What will you do to tend to your heart? Can you first start with self-compassion? Admit it’s difficult to concentrate sometimes or get motivated to complete tasks when you are overwhelmed. The thought that we should be able to handle it is a false narrative that only perpetuates the stress system to be in survival mode. This then clouds our centers for executive function (to complete tasks or exercise or anything), clarity (to think clearly of what would be best for you in any one moment), or motivation (to either do real self-care or advocacy or nothing—frankly, rest is a valid and necessary resource but not when we look at it in the incorrect light as laziness or ambivalence.)
💔 Part of the heart ache is feeling alone and powerless. Can you use a tool like gratitude to reclaim power? When you practice gratitude, you light up the same centers of your brain as if someone you love is holding your hand while you are in pain. Gratitude can be a companion. Look at it as a partner and resource, not as a way to bright side things.
If your heart aches, I am right there with you. We are human, together. The question is can we also be human with ourselves?
As always, share with me and the community in the comments how your heart is these days, light or heavy, how this week’s musing landed in your heart and any way we can tend to you and each other. May we all open our hearts a bit more this weekend, to ourselves…
My heart is heavy. Reading your words, especially "Can you first start with self-compassion?" were important for me to read today. People can say it so often and it doesn't land, but today, it did. So, thank-you. Appreciate your writing and love your thoughtful advice.
What a well needed, compassionate post! Thank you for sharing this 💚 I think about this often, and about whether this is an inevitability, or some roadblock with a solution.