Which moment are you racing to?

The fallacy of our lives and how we ourselves are speeding up time, every second of the day

The small moments of life fly by in a way that often don’t allow them to tell their truest story. A laugh with a long missed relative on the couch, a walk in the morning light, a taste of dearly loved childhood food on your lips…

And the small moments are not all pleasant. The heartbreak at the bold evil in the world (this one lately feels like not just a moment but every night’s last breath for me) or the sensation of a wave of grief that rushes over your body in a way that feels so deep that you can taste it.

Yes, the moments are both beautiful and brutal but all the same, we often rush to escape them. To get to one that we desire more.

It’s natural, don’t get me wrong. But when I stop and really think about it, I feel like I’m playing a ludicrous game. Trying to get to a moment that will never be because I might just want to escape that one as well.

I’m feeling this deeply right now. I am on the longest time away from part of my family and my son whom I care for that I have ever had. Two weeks to return to India with my daughter and mother after the longest hiatus from my home here that I have ever had, due to the pandemic.

This is such a gift, right? I am visiting my home as three generations of women, reconnecting with dear family and staying in my family home here. We even had the chance to make a pilgrimage to one of our holiest shrines (The Golden Temple in Amritsar—see the image below, it’s a breathtaking experience each and every time but even more sweeter after a very long time. That is REAL gold by the way and shining even brighter than usual after just getting polished.)

It’s also the longest break I have had as a caregiver ever. And a chance to share the simple pleasures of my homeland with my 16 year old daughter (who has been here many times but with the long pandemic gap, this is a very impressionable age and a trip that feels more remember-able to her)

And yet, I will admit to you that I am escaping SO many moments. With the talk in my mind and the worry that flits into my heart. It usually looks something like this…

💭 “I really need to get home, my work is piling up.”
💭 “Shit, that journalist wants to interview me now and I need to get home to get this feature!”
💭 “My husband really shouldn’t have to manage everything on his own for this long.”
💭 “I haven’t been able to eat the way I want or work out on my regular schedule, I just want to get back and tend to my body.”
💭 “Did I really need to be gone this long, I should have shortened it.” (As an aside, I even tried to do this but the fees were too high to make the change.)

None of these are unreasonable or “bad” thoughts per se but they come in and take up space that the moments at hand never even have the chance to occupy.

The moments like this…

My daughter visiting her grandmother's college campus; a moment of bliss with real coconut water from the street

It is impossible to savor the beauty of these moments when you are wondering when you will get to the next one.

Joy is something to not only savor. It is something to cultivate.

Now you all know me well and know that I don’t believe in bypassing anything. The thoughts in my mind are real. I honor them.

But when I feel like they are intruding on the moments in front of me, I know it’s time to pause and reset.

I know then it’s time to say, ‘There’s not enough space here for all of this.’

And that was happening to me. So now I am feeling those thoughts and then pausing, taking a breath and allowing them space to travel where they need to be. Put away for later.

There is no way I can manage my work, my home, or tend to my son right now. That is all for later. In fact, it will come sooner than I think.

But the secret is that it will come even sooner if I myself rush through each moment at hand. If I rush to get home. If I run by the beauty right in front of me.

And no, not every moment here is blissful. There’s blistering heat, family drama, health issues from travel. All of it.

But all of it is what it is. And all of it is right here, right now.

I often think to myself, “Is my mind in the same place my body is?”

And if the answer is no, I know there’s some re-aligning to do.

So, I spend my last days here, on a trip that may never be recreated. In fact, I doubt it will be. As my mom ages and my daughter cultivates her own schedule with college soon.

And in these days, I hope to be with myself in the way I wish for you the same. We can’t be fully present each and every moment. It’s a fact of the human condition. I wouldn’t even attempt such an impossible feat.

But do ask yourself…Are you too often rushing to get to another moment, only to lose that one as well?

If the answer is yes, then you too are human with me. But I am challenging myself along with you to be human in a more intentional way. Can you slow down the pace just a bit? Can you notice the questions and realize the answers are right here?

I’ll be writing to you next week stateside. Until then, reach out, comment and let me know how you are. Which moments are you rushing through and which ones have you paused in?

Think about that question and if you feel compelled, do share. Just as I have been vulnerable with you here about what I notice in myself, we cultivate more trust in ourselves and capacity to thrive when we honor that we are all human, doing the best we can and the act of being human is the gift of it all.