Why the (real and deeper) "Why" matters

I never thought of myself as someone who would set an alarm for 4:30 AM and actually get up. 🤭

But several years ago, I was looking for a new exercise activity outdoors. I wanted to lose weight, get stronger and be in nature—all good goals. And I started to get interested in rowing.

Now, full disclaimer, I had only ever thought of rowing as an elite, Ivy League, east coast sport, not something I had ever heard of Brown girls like me doing! But I really needed to get excited about something new and figured I would give it a go.

To my sheer amazement, I loved it. There was something about being on the smooth, still water before everyone else woke up. Something about the swooshing sounds of the oars in the lake, in unison (most of the time!). And even though I see water all around me in Seattle, there was something thrilling about being on it.

But I won’t lie. Three times a week, when I needed to be at the boathouse by 5 AM, I would hear my alarm go off…and I would hit snooze, every single time.

But then the second time I hit it, I would get up…every single time…because of one very important reason.

I would remember Why I was getting up. And the reason was different than what you might think.

It wasn’t because I wanted to…
•Row
•Get healthier
•Lose weight
•Or even to be on the water

Those things didn’t get me out of my warm, cozy bed.

What got me out was my Deeper Why.

That’s the Why that lay several layers under the other one above. The one that neuroscience shows is the reason you stick with a habit or a goal, or even a job that is hard.

My Deeper Why was because I needed to get stronger to transfer my disabled son who is getting weaker and from a degenerative and fatal condition.

All the other Why’s were reasonable and even good ideas. But they weren’t the real deep reason I wanted to do this. They weren’t going to get me out into the dark, and sometimes, wet morning.

Last week, we talked about the foundational bedrock of sustaining new habits as we are in this month of September when it feels often like a ‘fresh start.’ If you didn’t catch that article, go back and read why self-compassion is full of hard science, and not a “soft” skill.

The September self-love your new habits need

And this week, we are going deeper into the other neuroscience strategies to sustain those habits with the simple, but powerful exercise of finding your Deeper Why.

You can do this by simply asking yourself “Why?” over and over after each answer and either writing this down or speaking into your phone’s voice memo app. You can keep this as simple as you like.

In this example, I asked myself why I wanted to row, especially when it was cold and dark.

And it took several answers before I got to the gut-punch one I gave you above. I would say one like “I want to get healthier” and then say, “But why?” It took about 7 asks before getting to this one but as soon as I did, I knew it was a deeper, more sustainable Why that would keep me going when it got hard or stressful.

So what is your Deeper Why? What is the Why several layers under the one that is easier or more expected?

Next week, we will talk about a few more strategies that help after you have affirmed a self-compassionate foundation that you return to and asked yourself your Deeper Why. And then on Sept 20th, if you’re a paid subscriber, please do join me in a workshop where we dive deeper into all of the strategies and how you, individually, need support to sustain a habit or answer any questions you have. I can’t wait! It’s one of my absolute favorite topics!

Until then, I would love to hear your Deeper Why for a new habit after you do the exercise or a time when finding it helped a habit stick. The community will all benefit from hearing from you! Until then, be well and I hope September is treating you as well as possible in this challenging world. ❣️